New Name - New Office - New Web Site

DYSLEXIA ASSOCIATION BIRMINGHAM
(DAB for short)

UPDATE OUR NEW ADDRESS

VOLUNTEERS

UPDATE AGM 2003

KIDZ CORNER

YOUR PERSONAL SURVIVAL KIT-PREVENTING PARENTAL BURN OUT

WEB SITE

AUTUMN EVENT

Welcome to the Spring/Summer issue.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any more exciting (our change of name); an opportunity arose to move into a larger office at Carrs Lane. This will enable us to have extra space for more volunteers and in the future, more resources, allowing people more access to information.

Our new web site is now live and we are extremely proud of it. We have already received favourable comments, the furthest being from Manila! The lady said it was one of the best she had seen on dyslexia........

So you see we have lots to smile and be excited about and it makes us even more determined to reach as many people as possible who need our help.

UPDATE......UPDATE......

OUR NEW ADDRESS
DYSLEXIA ASSICIATION BIRMINGHAM
OR
DAB
ROOM 22
CARRS LANE CENTRE
CARRS LANE
BIRMINGHAM B4 7SX

VOLUNTEERS

I have been a memberof the Association for 10 years. Initially, there were some very dark days when we didn't understand the problems our daughter was going through. The one light was this Association. If we didn't understand a procedure that needed to be followed at school, we knew we could ring Christine and she would advise us. If there were an easier way for our daughter to do something, she would know it. Because she had been throught this with her own daughter.

I learnt an awful lot and was able to then also support our son. So when I heard the Association needed volunteers I felt this was an opportunity to give something back. I worked on the helpline for 2 hours a week. At last I could do something positive, and it fitted in with my family. The rest, as they say is history and I now work here as the Charity Director.

But the need for volunteers on the helpline continues and I would love it if we could have at least 3 people to train in the new September term. Could YOU be one of them? As a member you would be ideal because you already have an insight into the system. Do you have just 2 hours to spare, initially for training and then to operate the helpline for 2 hours with ongoing training? Why not call Denny and have a chat about what volunteering would entail and how you could fit it in with your life style. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain..........

UPDATE.......UPDATE.........UPDATE

AGM

The day was a huge success and Annie White (the Speaker) gave an extremely informative and entertaining presentation.
Minutes are available on request from the office.

KIDZ CORNER

Just for you some fun ways to remember spellings.

Can you now make up your own MNEMONICS to help you remember those words you have Mrs D Mrs I Mrs FFI Mrs C Mrs U Mrs LTY - with!

Thanks to Gilly Fyfield

YOUR PERSONAL SURVIVAL KIT - PREVENTING PARENTAL BURN OUT

We spend much of our time discussing the needs and abilities of our dyslexic offspring, whatever their age. Even more time is spent looking at different ways of identifying such students, at appropriate types of assessment, and at the most effective methodologies to be used for teaching them. We attend lectures listening to "experts" advising us of what best to do, and talking to us about learning styles, intelligences personalities, careers, opportunities and so on. Most of us have had to wrestle with teachers, schools, systems - and soe of us have unfortunately, had to fight the authorities at tribunals. There are countless stories of families who have suffered financially to supportthe needs of their children; others who have had major problems with other children in the household; yet others who have had difficulties with other members of their wider family group, neighbours and friends when they have tried to explain this "dyslexia" thing. The list goes on. Tiring isn't it .. yet for many people this is a familiar story. Their is talk of provision for children, support for teachers, but don't you ever ask yourself -

What about me?
Who understands me?
Who gives me the support I need too?

YOU ARE VITALLY IMPORTANT

You are the pillar of strength in your family - your energy and timeless efforts will get your child through his/her darkest moments. This will only happen however, if you have a strong sense of self - preservation, value your own needs, and have the ability to create a good support system around you.

YOU ARE INVALUABLE

A typical story often begins something like this. Your child (and you!) begin school - happy, but perhaps just a little anxious. He's* growing up, and you both have to readjust to taht situation. The school looks attractive, the teacher kind; but you have your own memories of schooling, which weren't all that they might have been .. "Could have done better", "Has great potential, but doesn't quite make the grade". "Should work harder". How irritating those school reports were! Such is life. Never mind, you finished school, got a job - perhaps you are not satisfied as you might like to be; perhaps you think you might have liked to have had other opportunities for education, but didn't quite make it. Never mind, let's not think about our lost or missed opportunities; let's focus on our child- that little bundle of trouble, sweetness and innocence. Of course he wants to succeed and please his teachers and parents, just like everybody else - just like you did. He bravely goes in through that door of the Infants school and you go home - with your thoughts and memories.

At this point we could talk about what happens in the classroom. Pages could be written about the tears shed, the books unread, the tables unlearned, the derision of "friends", the teachers expectations and disappointments, his reported "lack of maturity" - or comments at the dreaded Parents Evenings, such as "Never mind, we can't all make academia you know!"

But this article is about YOU, the parent - and your needs and responses to that situation. For unknowingly, you have entered a situation that is a life long one. One that will tear you apart as you witness the struggle night after night with homework. One that might confuse and frighten you through your initial phase of trying to understand what dyslexia is all about. One that will make you and your child feel that you are the only ones on the earth with such a problem.

Who else has a child who is so obviously able, and yet is failing? Who else has to hear this nonsense, that your child is incapable? What do you say to your child when he describes himself as "dumb, thick and stupid" - and his only response to your supportive comments is: "You only said that because you are my Mother/Father."

When things get really bad, you might then begin to feel GUILT: "Did this happen because of something I did?"

Alternatively you might hear BLAME: "It's not my side of the family, its must be yours!"

Or perhaps even DENIAL: "You worry about everything. There's nothing wrong with him!"

WHAT A WASTE OF ENERGY! We need to be able to change that excessive negative energy into something constructive.

The TRUTH is that dyslexia is not anyone's fault.

We, as parents, have so many expectations of ourselves and of our children that when something is out of the ordinary, our first thoughtsare: "Where did I go wrong?" This is not what parenting is all about. I Believe that we have to develop realistic expectations of ourselves and of our offspring and recognise the fact that being so negative absolutely defeats our ability to cope. We must accept that,just as we ourselves are not perfect, neither are our children. What we do need however, is the ability to develop a sense of innerstrength - despite the constant anxiety. Easier said than done you feel. Well, here goes: let's see where we are and what can be done.

We have to rid ourselves of the causes of stress that are self-induced and are common to many parents, not only those who have dyslexic children. For example, there is often a feeling that we have to deny ourselves, give all our energy, all our time to our children - despite their age and capabilities. By doing so, not only do we exhaust ourselves, but also we rob them of the opportunity for independence.

Another example might be that we put all our energy into our children's successes, as we do not have much else of interest in own lives. This is a difficult one to accept as it may highlight some uncomfortable issues - such as growing apart from partners, need to feel valued by someone, creating the need to be "super Mum/Dad", always on top of things. Perhaps we ourselves have an inexplicable need to be liked by everyone and be constantly appreciated. The TRUTH is that if we can learn to value ourselves and actually let up a bit on the self-imposed stress (spoil ourselves a bit?) we will cope better, be valued for what we do and set a great example to our children, especially those with learning difficulties.

And what of our relationshipwith these particular children?

There have to be strategies for the management of the problems in hand and of the needs of the individuals concerned. I believe that there is a need to discuss the issues, ideally with all members of the family, so that everyone realises that they are heard and understood, and that the family is working together to support each other. Everyone needs to understand the frustrations and anger that such situations can cause, and know that anger does not mean a withdrawal of love. Ensure that the children understand that they are loved for whom they are and not for what they do or do not achieve. If you have got into the habit of criticising or being generally negative, attempt to make a conscious effort to say nothing or be encouraging. Children will constantly criticise others and themselves when they live in such an environment.

Above all -

SPOIL YOURSELF!

With the organisation of time, understanding family members (even if they pretend not to be!) and cosseting, life will become much more manageable and pleasurable for you too.

So much for some thoughts about what can be done at home. That, you will say, does not change the outside world and its problems. Ok, let's have a think about those too.

In the introduction, we mentioned people outside the immediate family who perhaps even inadvertently cause us stress - neighbours, grandparents, teachers and friends. If they do not recognise dyslexia and do not understand it, they can cause a great many problems, by mishandling, making tactless comments and giving well intentioned but thoroughly unhelpful advice. There are many external stress factors that are potential trouble spots: where do you send your children to school? How do you pay for assessments and for teaching? How do you get through evenings of homework? How do you educate those well meaning yet tiresome people mentioned above? How do you really look after yourself and deal with the myriad of things that cause so much stress?

HELP

First and foremost there is a need to develop a sense of being in control of the situation. It would be helpfulto learn as much as possible about dyslexia and its manifestations - and join a support group. It is very helpful to meet other parents in a similar situation, as you can compare notes and share ideas about things that work at home and at school. It would also be helpful to know, perhaps, which schools are supportive, who is helpful to talk to at the Local Education Authority and who is the local Befriender. Collect as much written information about dyslexia as you can, so that you are in the position of giving it to people who need to know.

You must also know your own limitations. It is Ok to say no when people's needs and expectations become too much. You have rights and needs too.

Time management is invaluable - the listing of short, medium and long term objectives is very helpful to the process of setting goals and succeeding, all of which become practicable when they are divided into small steps. Actions can then be planned and executed. The sense of being totally overwhelmed by what appeared too large a set of unmanageable problems then disappears.

Finally there is the spoiling of YOU...essential. There are many things that we have to do to keep ourselves healthy. Don't forget the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." There has to be some time "off" whether it is alone, with a partner or friend. Take up a hobby or an activity that brings a sense of fulfilment, joy and purpose, which validate your worth. SEE YOUR LIFE AS YOUR OWN CREATION AND MAKE IT POSITIVE. Pay close and loving attention to your own needs at all levels, nourishing and supporting your self wherever possible. Ensure that you eat well and regularly, and that you feel fit as possible. Use relaxation tapes or exercise to music after a hard day. Make relaxation and recreation a priority in your busy schedule.

Accept yourself, your family and everything in your life as an opportunity for growth and learning. Be grateful for it all. Despite what it feels at times it is enriching. Teach the children by example that when you "muck up", you forgive yourself, learn what you can from the experience, and then move on.

Taking action and controlling the inevitable stress means that you are taking control of your life - rather than life taking control of you. Enjoy the challenge that these exceptional people bring. And above all KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOUR - IT REALLY DOES HELP!

*the author uses the masculine for convenience

LINDSAY PEER
EDUCATION DIRECTOR - BDA

STOP PRESS.. STOP PRESS

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OUR WEB SITE IS NOW LIVE

www.da-bham.org

PLEASE DO LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

OFFICE NEWS

We are slowly building up our information resources for members. This includes videos and books to take out on loan. Our latest addition is the DVLA Theory CD ROM and the "Road Sense" video. Please contact the office for further details.

AUTUMN EVENT

Date- October 4th 2003 10am - 3pm (to be confirmed)
Venue- LIBRARY THEATRE BIRMINGHAM CENTRAL LIBRARY

This is an information day for parents, carers and professionals with an interest in dyslexia.

The final schedule will be confirmed when you receive the next newsletter in September.

However we will be having:
- A Presentation with possibly a film
- A talk by an educational psychologist and a teacher
- Lunch
- Information Sessions
- Questions and Answers to conclude

STOP PRESS……..STOP PRESS……..